He sat at the Dinner table with us on Saturday, it's the first time in weeks since I can remember him being able to do so. It was nice to see and have him around us again.
I can't imagine anyone else in the family not noticing, but the mood was a bit somber, he talked about things that didn't make a lot of sense, fell asleep at the table, asked how long he'd been gone. He asked for chocolate pie only to say he really wanted banana cream pie. His daughter Selena held his hand every time he had a minor seizure, he said it felt better to have someone hold it. James has constant tears in his eyes although he tries to hide it, he doesn't do a good job of it.
Every time I'm around him I feel like he's aging at lightning speeds. He's 37 and it feels like I'm talking to an 80 year old. Yet he's still so kind and soft spoken. You'd think watching him deteriorate would make it difficult to remember what he was like before cancer came into our lives, but no.... I remember exactly what he was like. He always walked so fast... now a snail would win. His hands were always so strong, now they're colorless and weak. He's skin and bones... he lifts his shirt and you can see the radiation road map and the cancer protruding from his abdomen. I'd give anything to see him run up the stairs by two's. It's easy to remember what he was like.... it's what makes seeing him now so difficult to process.
I've been hesitant about taking pictures of Seth, somehow I felt I would be disrespecting him. But now I know better... for every time I take a picture he does his best to pose, his best to smile...
It's easy to remember what it was like....
We love you Chele!
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